Sometimes I get the idea in my head that I\u2019m a pretty good person. My kid\u2019s needs are met, and I try to be involved in their lives. I go to work every day like I\u2019m supposed to. I try to be kind and show up for people in my community when they\u2019re in need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s plenty of people out there who don\u2019t function in life as well as I do, or who do downright unspeakable things to others. I could definitely be doing worse, I tell myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I really love<\/em> feeling like I have it together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So when the Holy Spirit starts to whisper to me that there might be something ugly in my heart, my first inclination is to plug my ears and go, \u201cLALALALA I CAN\u2019T HEAR YOU!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t want anyone, including the Lord of Hosts, to wreck my delightful illusion of self-righteousness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But as 1 John 1:8<\/a> says, \u201cIf we claim to have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves, and not living in the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I\u2019m no exception. Because underneath the layers of my \u2018good person\u2019 fa\u00e7ade, it\u2019s not pretty<\/a>. Pride, selfishness, greed, hatred, disrespect, bitterness, laziness, impatience, hypocrisy, unforgiveness, a critical spirit\u2026I could go on. It\u2019s all in there, and I\u2019m more than happy to just keep all that ugliness tucked away where I can safely ignore it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At one point, I had someone in my life who, in my opinion, took advantage of my generosity. They treated my resources like they were theirs, helped themselves to things they didn\u2019t contribute to, and didn\u2019t seem to feel any responsibility to give back. They didn\u2019t ask permission, didn\u2019t show appreciation, and worst of all\u2014they never even seemed to notice how much it bothered me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And oh, it bothered me<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn\u2019t just get annoyed; I got resentful. I kept a mental list of every inconsiderate thing they did. I stewed over it. I imagined conversations where I called them out and finally<\/em> got the respect and gratitude I thought I deserved. And even after they were out of my life, I still clung to the bitterness, replaying everything in my head, like somehow my anger would retroactively make them sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I let myself be filled with hostility towards this person. Truly, the attitude of my heart was disobedience to a God who calls us to forgive, but I did NOT want to let it go. It felt good to stay mad about it and pretend there was nothing wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But God loves me too much to let me sit in my sin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The dark parts of my heart, like bitterness and unforgiveness, are what keep me from having a deeper relationship with God and other people. Just one sin is enough to separate me from God forever!<\/strong> They keep me from running the race God has set before me (Hebrews 12:1<\/a>). Clinging to my sin and refusing to bring it into the light and address it makes my life worse, not better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It certainly sometimes feels like God is trying to make me miserable by making me deal with my sin. It\u2019s so uncomfortable and I never feel like doing it. But ultimately, it\u2019s an act of mercy from Him. He wants me to walk in truth. He wants me to be closer to Him. He wants me to be free from the clutches of darkness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn’t want to forgive that difficult person in my life, and sometimes I still struggle with those feelings of bitterness creeping back in. It’s an ongoing process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But He lovingly continues to reveal my sin to me, and He gives me an opportunity to confess it to Him. And instead of giving me the punishment I deserve for my wrongdoing, He showers me with grace, mercy, and forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He\u2019ll do it for you, too. Just ask Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\nConfronting The Dark Parts of My Own Heart<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
God’s Mercy Makes All The Difference<\/h2>\n\n\n\n